Children need to be prepared to live in the world. They need to understand that while some things will be fun and simple others will be challenging and difficult. Even people lucky enough to lead "charmed" lives have to face many difficulties. My experience has led me to believe that people may in fact create their own "charmed" lives. People's experiences are shaped as much by what they make of the events in their lives as by the events themselves. What can we do to help our children understand that they are, in large part, responsible for deciding how to experience the events that occur during their lifetimes?

I definitely had an idea of what being a parent was going to be all about. Unfortunately I was way off base. Fortunately I have a child who has been kind enough to point this out. I have had to make it up as I go. It seems that every time I have it figured out, my child has grown into a new developmental stage and we need to renegotiate our relationship. This has probably been a really good thing and has served to keep me conscious and humble.

There are some concepts which have helped me personally and helped those with whom I work. I would like to share them with you:

u Children need to feel safe, loved and have their basic needs met before they can realize their full potential.

u Children benefit from learning to balance taking responsibility and experiencing freedom.

u It is important for parents to admit when they make a mistake : it helps children feel that it is OK to experiment and take creative risk.

u Relationships continue to change as people change. This is especially important to remember when thinking about our children.

u Our job is to help our children live with whatever they are feeling, it is not to have them grow up expecting to be happy all of the time.

u Learning that there is a relationship between actions and consequences is an ongoing process.

Learning to get along with others is an ongoing process. Disagreements provide opportunities to grow closer.


HOW CAN MY WORK HELP YOU?

I work in a variety of ways to help parents learn about themselves and their children. Some families only need information in order to understand where they are in their family's development. These parents often come in every once in awhile for a consultation. Other parents want more support and come in for some ongoing work. My goal is to empower parents and have them feel good about their family life, it is not to have them become dependent on therapy.